Slowly...

It's been a roller coaster, but I'm slowly gaining some control. I stopped going to my therapy class. It was just stressing me out to get to work on time so I can leave and spend that time after work in a class when I rather be hiking or spending time with my daughter. They gave me the tools I needed in the beginning to help me work on fixing myself, I'm not stupid, I figured it out. So, when I felt a spiral begin to happen, I was able to work myself out of it instead of shutting down. Am I better? Hell no. But am I better than I was? Yes. I'm learning how to just remove myself from the situation and breath working through what I can feel could tumble out of control if I let it and keep it from getting below a certain level. I am still sensitive. I find myself thinking that Alfred's annoyed at me or criticizing me, but the rational part of me thinks that may be silly and there's no reason to feel hurt. Same thing when I feel my temper boiling up, I step back, and know that there's no reason for the irrational anger so I remove myself and remain quiet until the rage passes....or I take it out on the damn ants invading our house. It's helped. My job is still a trigger so it's difficult to combat working and the PPD, which may be why I won't be better anytime soon, but at least I can tell when I'm starting to decline and am able to stop it for the most part. Yeah, I still cry, but I only cry for a couple minutes and not all the time. Slowly, one step at a time, slowly, I heal. Going hiking has been great. I'm finally able to do it every other day now and am actually starting to see muscle tone working its way through the fat! My c-section belly will never be toned...I'll probably need a tummy tuck for that, but at least everything else is slowly edging its way back to shape, and that is a huge, huge help. Plus, I love getting out in the backcountry, away from the city for awhile. I hate living in the suburbs. I miss the open country desperately.

Lilly's doing fantastically. She's gone from a baby that has to always be in motion, not letting us sit because she wants us walking around with her to actually chilling with mommy and daddy, sitting on the couch. She talks up a storm, making new sounds all the time. She's very very close to saying, "mama"...of course when she's crying and upset she sounds like she's saying, "No!" or "Maaaa!" She also "sings" in the car along with me or with the music playing, its really cute. She has tried to crawl and has managed to fling herself a couple inches. She lifted herself onto her knees yesterday briefly and has also tried to sit up from laying down. Ahhh!! Growing up so fast. We've also had to start solids. She's grabbing at my drinking glass and putting it to her mouth to "drink" So I've been letting her play with her sipping cup filled with water as she can have small amounts of water now to satisfy that need of wanting a cup to "drink" (she can only manage to get out like a drop from the cup at this point so I'm not worried). So far we know she enjoys sweet potatoes mixed with a bit of cinnamon and carrots. We're still experimenting with pre-made organic baby food so we can find out what she likes and then once we have a list, I'll be making homemade baby food for her.

And yeah, that's about it...